Anger Issues Part Deux: More Things That Ruin My Day

I should probably write a book about my anger issues. No one would read it but it would be excellent therapy. I'll try to condense some of my hatreds into this short post but I can't promise anything. Jacked up trucks. What the hell is the point? The theory has been, for a while now, that penis size relates directly to the size of one's truck. The smaller the johnson, the larger the truck. Now, I have, nor do I plan to, measure other men's privates. It's not exactly my cup of tea. So I cannnot confirm this theory. What I can tell you is that most of the people who drive these trucks (not all) are complete and utter assholes. They will tailgate you, rev their diesel engine, shine all sorts of bright lights and have stickers that say Salt Life or the one of the guy humping a girl. Most of the people who drive these idiotic vehicles have an asshole face as well. One of those smirking dickhead grins. Like Roy from the office. He is the type of man that would drive a large truck. Now in contrast, women that drive big trucks are hot and can do no wrong. They are the kind of girls that know what they want, if you know what I mean. Getting back to penis size, I used to drive a Geo Metro, so draw your own conclusions. Loud cars in general annoy the hell out of me. Another theory that I have come up with is the louder the car, the shittier it looks. If you hear something coming towards you that sounds like a fart from a giant, chances are it has multicolored panels, has idiotic rims, is basically falling apart and the driver looks like some pinhead with a goatee, probably vaping. Double hatred from me (see previous post). Shopping has begun to piss me off. Now because of the actual experience, I quite enjoy shopping in that respect, but the people who dress in pajama pants that looked like the just rolled out of bed. Most of the time they're using their EBT card to purchase steaks and other foods that I cannot afford. Here's my advice to them, stop being a loser and get a job. Step up a be a real man. When you go out in public at least attempt to look decent. I'm all for a public dress code. Remember when men would wear suits on plane? Bring that back! It would do a lot to curtail the rude behavior on planes. Speaking of shopping, customers that yell at workers for things way above their pay grade is a crime worthy of the death penalty. No, the cashier cannot adjust prices. And most likely they're doing the best that they can for little pay while putting up with dickheads like you. Oh they made a mistake ringing something up? I guess not everyone is perfect like you. I'm sure you also drive a big truck that has Salt Life on it. Tailgaters may be the worst offenders. Especially since I'm driving a minivan with my young kids riding along as passengers. If you hit me, they will never find your body. I can promise you that. And what is the point of tailgating? It's not going to make me increase my speed, especially when there's a line of cars in front of me. Really, what's the point? That's a serious question. Men who drink hard seltzer. I don't think that I have to explain this any further. Might as well vape it you weakling. Now this next one really gets my goat, pun intended. People who throw garbage out of their car. There is no worse person that this (of course there is but I have to prove my point here). I've personally witness fast food bags being flung out of moving vehicles and it makes me want to vomit. Even worse is that it's usually a shitbox car that commits this offense. The only acceptable punishment for this type of action is the same one experienced by the Scottish hero William Wallace. Look it up kids, or better yet, watch Braveheart. I'm certain that there will be a part III to this diatribe but I can't in good conscience subject you to such negativity on a daily basis. I'll have to think of something cheerful for next time, like smashing large trucks with a sledgehammer while the vaping driver is hung, drawn and quartered for littering. Yes! That's my next topic. Until next time.